Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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