Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize