Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
