i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
