Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
