We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
