i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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