When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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