Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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