I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
