can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
