sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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