I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
