kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
