oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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