Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
