i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
