I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
