it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
