I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize