i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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