Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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