four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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