Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
