I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
