Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
