We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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