i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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