i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
