It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
