I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
