Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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