Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
