Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
