**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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