Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
