i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
