I looked at my own cervix.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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