I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
