Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Boobs are out for the taking
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
