Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
