can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
