So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
