you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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