i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
