it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize