i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
