Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
