you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
