So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This house was built for laser tag.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
