A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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