I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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