He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
