how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
