had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
