We're facebook friends in real life
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize