I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
