i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
