oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize