i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
