The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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