i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
