she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
