Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
