hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
