oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
