We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
