Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
