the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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