am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
